Choosing a therapist

If you've got the impression that I'm dead against therapy, then it's time I redressed the balance. I'm very much in favour of the idea of getting help, whether it's for depression, arthritis, a hole in the roof or your tax return. But finding someone to help you in your quest for liberation isn't as simple as it might seem.

We hear the haunting refrain that you need to recognise that you need help before healing can begin. We hear the cry, that there is no substitute for professional help, but that many depressives still suffer in lonely silence. Could it be, for many people, a case of 'once bitten, twice shy'?

So I offer here a set of homespun guidelines towards finding a practitioner to suit your own uniqueness. Much of this advice applies equally well to finding an accountant or a builder or any other professional you need to employ.

As I've said before, you need to work on the depression first. This seems totally contrary to the usual advice, that you should address the causes not the symptoms, but this is a special case. In depression, the symptoms are the problem. So the first step is your family doctor, to see if there's a physical or chemical imbalance that might respond to medication. If your doctor is unsympathetic, find another doctor. Meanwhile, get some regular exercise organised if you haven't already got that in your life.

Now that you're armed with your doctor's backing, the quest for the right therapist can begin. Here goes.

1) Avoid pyramid-style hierarchies of ongoing, long-term therapy. If your therapist is undergoing the same therapy, he or she may well be struggling with issues that are deeper than you've yet ventured at the moment. Don't forget that the therapist can project stuff on to you every bit as much as you might on to them. On the other side of the coin, avoid those who claim to be, or are, at the top of their profession. They have prevailed in power struggles at a level higher than the likes of thee and me can imagine. In other words, it's dangerous. If you're convinced by the theory behind the therapy, you can embark on it with impunity once you've cleared up your depression and know what you're doing.

2) Avoid therapies that do a lot of digging into the past (what a psychiatrist friend of mine calls 'archaeology'). They can never put the buried treasure back as they found it. One or two positive memories might be useful in your backpack on the road to healing, but leave the rest behind. Use regrets as learning opportunities. You can learn to forgive yourself without archaeology.

3) Avoid blame with a ten-foot pole. You'll have to go through the process of forgiveness sooner or later.

4) Avoid 'reprogramming' therapies until you've fully grasped the BROH insight (or its equivalent: I've a feeling that it's an idea whose time has come and we'll be seeing it everywhere in all sorts of different forms). Then, if it feels right, you can go to town on the project, and may the road rise to meet you.

5) Don't give too much weight to personal recommendation. One person's Perfect Master is another's charismatic charlatan, and vice versa. Treat personal recommendation as just another search engine, equal in weight to referrals, adverts and Web links. If anything, I'd put extra weight on a chance encounter. 'When the pupil is ready, the master appears', that sort of thing.

6) Do get familiar with at least the bare bones of the theory behind the treatment. Don't let them tell you that it works better when you don't know what's going on. Commit yourself only to a few sessions at a time, with some sort of agreed idea about what progress you can expect to achieve in that time.

7) Do take notice of your first impressions. Even if you think you have no intuition, you do have enough for this. You can tell pretty quickly whether this person is to be your mentor for a while or not. In other words, you can tell whether you trust them. Trust is an absence of fear. With the right person, this absence is palpable. It's like coming home. There is not the slightest smidgeon of doubt that this person will do you no harm, wittingly or unwittingly. Trust is the Philosopher's Stone, the ultimate catalyst, a sidekick of Love. (But watch out for infatuation - what a can of worms that is!)

8) Trust doesn't have to be absolute. You can keep your deepest, darkest secrets for another time, another place, if you need to. If you limit your goals, you widen your scope and can save yourself a lot of time. (There's a very good chance that your deepest secrets will turn out to be quite harmless after all - but wait for that sense of trust to permeate before you go there.) When you've learnt all that this person can teach you, it's time to thank them and move on.

9) Worthless things come in all shapes, sizes and costs. And so does treasure. Money is not an indicator either way (look at Linux). Ditto the string of letters after the therapist's name. The key, again, is trust.

10) Always remember that you are the client, you're employing this person (whether the service is provided free or costing you a fortune). It is always your choice whether to stay or leave.

And the very best of luck.